" EMOTIONAL DEMONS "

The relevance to the above panel appears more significant now especially if envisioning two sets of emotions: those of a person being angry together with those opposing ones but if a “Demon” is involved, more QUESTIONS ... if emotional demons are used & Anger is one, what is the opposing one? … & what would they both look like? Thoughts of imaginary dragons & ‘Night Demons’ are envisaged but none really feel as suitable for this new panel & in contemplating "where to go next", the mental link of ‘Dragons & Demons’ quickly has “old tattoos” misting into sight alongside appropriate wording.

Continuing now with on-line “tattooing research”, a few thought-provoking emotional words are sketched & whilst reading various anger issues at the same time, come across several people with tattoos. Although I don’t suggest in any way this specific creative practice directly links to anger, it could provide some sort of "implied mark" for it & then discover some “forms of tattooing marks” are indirectly connected to anger - for example those as used for slavery - bondage - prisoners & even for body mutilation. SO … QUESTION … can these latter ones be included to be symbolic? Further research concluded they would be an important aspect … and then I realised the significance of the bandages I made at the beginning & glad several lengths had been made … BUT QUESTION … how & where to use them?

" BLEEDING HEARTS "

Todays thoughts again resurrect those samples of 2012. They were experiments (often seen as “playing around”) involving the effect of heat on some plastic bags, glue, nylon fabrics & threads whilst investigating first-hand the effects of colour on specific “mixed media type textiles”. One sample in particular (above), reminded me of a broken heart (possibly to be completed as a plastic machine embroidery) but like many ideas, can often get put on a “back-burner” for a day when they can start to “come to life”.

And so it was with this one - thoughts arriving that many results of anger ultimately can end with some form of “broken heart” & for an unexplained reason, feel it being as symbolic to the Anger panel. QUESTION … when a heart is broken, how does it begin to mend? … & that thought drew memories of some photos taken of the plant known as “Love Lies Bleeding” (amaranths caudates). However, being unable to locate the set of photos for reference, a quick on-line screen-shot (similar to the one I’d taken) clearly shows a heart-like shape that’s bleeding!

Although there’s the question of where have the photos gone, I’ll stay focussed with the next real QUESTION … what happens if a heart is bleeding? … & could bandages be wrapped around it too? … & would this be a way of showing what was important in the panel? To record these first thoughts, a few more sketches & a final one of overpainting the earlier one from 2 days ago results in this:

& in doing this, I mentally drift off to my slide-show once again!

Questions & hopefully Answers

(Above: Water-colour heart sketch "emotions of the heart")

Starting work on any project, questions quickly arrive in abundance but as there’s only me in the studio working, there’s only me to answer PLUS there’s no-one to disagree! So in thinking of the 2013 heart a week ago, another Anger-related QUESTION ... what is at the ‘heart of the matter’ …  is it LOVE?  ... because like many emotions, apart from originating in the mind, they are equally linked to the heart. With these thoughts, some quick sketches (one above) along with more QUESTIONS … what usually makes someone angry? - their love of something or someone & how it is being altered? … maybe in a manner they are unable to change or stop &/or a frustration they are unable to control?

This question &/or answer scenario often helps provide direction to my work & as I’m usually thinking whilst drawing or working, will often find answers come about from whatever I’m actively doing - a type of ‘instinct’ I suppose. (From a young age, I have possessed a very photographic memory & find that as I work, thoughts run through something resembling a slide-show of imagery as I make visual connections to patterns or colours as a thought is considered. The correct vision is felt as a ‘gut-feel’ & it’s usually this that takes me a step forward.) When this doesn’t happen as a result of ‘lack of specific information’, this usually then gets researched for more detailed knowledge. 

This is especially true when using the Internet - it’s so much faster to obtain specific &/or detailed information. The computer research displaying on-line, concluded that was basically anger always has a reason & in its extreme, the cause is often a feeling of frustration that is unable of being adequately expressed. Everyone can get angry but when it overtakes other emotions & spirals out-of-control, it becomes dangerous & usually results in physical &/or emotional damage to other people as well as objects in the path! And it’s a ‘sequence of thoughts’ that invariably has the most dramatic & devastating effect on all the people involved - their relationships, their work as well as their day-to-day existence. And it was this emotive effect I wanted to capture … that progression of emotions displayed by the person who is primarily “angry” & the effect it has on themselves as well as any “intended victim(s)”.

Over the years, I’ve also had first-hand experiences of being with people recognised as “extremely angry” for one reason or another so felt this information could be used too. Comparing their actions together with the researched information & how it made me feel, it became easier to understand & actually “feel” the particular emotions being discovered or felt & thought this should be included too. By now it felt more important to depict specific emotions & somehow display them in an almost tactile way - not just as a thought but how it physically appeared within a situation. QUESTION … could I perhaps show that as emotions increase & spiral, they can progress with such devastating effect but also could it also portray what is happening & how quickly it can change?

" MENTAL BLOCKAGES "

After pressing, the set of bandages look very realistic hanging on the studio “washing line” (above) & it occurs to be that at some point in time (emotionally), ‘hearts’ often get broken too … QUESTION … was this significant too? As is quite normal when completing any creative work, there are invariably “mental blockages” that occur while working - minutes, hours or even days when what to do next is unknown! And now here's my first! Knowing that the panel was going to be textile based … QUESTION … what to do now with all the bandages just made? … & as ‘research the topic’ is often something that works well & perhaps something that should have been started immediately (rather than just follow first instincts)!

The Internet is a marvellous place for research - information is found extremely quickly, extracted & linked where appropriate. At the same time, creative thoughts generate in my head quicker than when researching using “real books” where I end up with a rather large book pile with bits of paper bookmarking different pages yet noticeably less creative!  For this particular piece of work, it was also important to record my work & ideas with more spontaneity - especially as the topic being explored generally appeared to be one of this … viewed as I referenced the many Anger issues & their accounts !

" BANDAGE & BONDAGE "

The significance of using bandages was now much clearer but there had to be ‘visible blood on the bandages’ for them to look realistic - both in their fabric type & final colouring. By matching ‘fresh’ blood & not dried blood, would also imply the event was happening in ‘real time’ as opposed to one of the past & as bandages are usually made from a woven cotton, any ‘dying’ of this natural fabric, would obtain a more precise shade. However, dyeing fabric is somewhat labour intensive when trying to obtain exact shades, so instead chose to use fabric paints as a better solution.

As well as creating textiles, I also make & repair clothes as well as furnishings - it also gives me time to think & consider ideas for other projects. Today I’m hand stitching some trouser hems & as luck would have it, prick my finger so suddenly think it’s the ideal opportunity to obtain a first-hand colour sample (result above on paper tissue) of my blood. Mentally moving rapidly from hand sewing to the Anger panel, a piece of cotton fabric (an old pressing cloth) is located to use as reference for a blood stain (a bandage is cotton too). Also, where fabric dyes are concerned (ultimately to make the blood colour), natural fabrics respond much better than synthetic ones to obtain a better range of colours & so can be more realistic. (At this early stage, the use of natural fabrics seem to be important too - most likely because of the “natural & raw” emotions to be involved.) After leaving this ‘pin pricked” bloody sample (see above) to dry for a couple of days, the next job was to start mixing the fabric paints.

It was easier & quicker to colour match & by trial & error, also found that when diluted to a more blood-like consistency, ‘soaked blood’ stains (see above) were better replicated as well as ‘blood spots’ when splattered. Mixing reds with differing amounts of black, purple, blue &/or brown created a range of different “blood colours” & when dry, compared them for realism against mine. Maintaining authenticity & using an old cotton sling (one of many pressing cloths used in dressmaking), lengths were cut into appx. 5cm wide strips. After several attempts with fabric positioning on a plastic sheet, the bandage strips were fairly quickly & individually daubed & splattered with “paint blood” & left to dry overnight.

" SEEING RED "

Today, again the 2013 heart springs to mind but at this stage, still don’t know why ... However, experiencing Covid Lockdown I’m thinking it’s a very good time to start a commission for a panel regarding the “emotional effects of anger” - after all, I was experiencing this "angry" situation where you couldn't do exactly what you wanted to  ... in fact this was the true case globally. But at least I could do something “to stay sane” … & surely by experiencing some sort of anger, wasn’t it also a good first-hand exercise?

So … to get going … research more about the topic of ANGER … BUT at first glance, it appears to be fairly simple! After all, when you “see red” that is what you must see - RIGHT? … maybe a better starting point would be colour … QUESTION … what often happens in anger? In many instances (from general research regarding the effects of Anger on all those involved), people often get physically harmed … blood is often seen … & bandages are usually needed so first thoughts were those from physical acts. When anyone bleeds, by “controlling the bleeding”, things can begin to mend so … QUESTION … could a bandage be used for a symbol of control?

Further research confirmed Anger was indeed a ‘controlling method’ but also discovered what was involved in a ‘cycle of anger’. Reading more, “a bandage” became more significant as these fabric strips could also represent ties, ropes or gags used for various ‘forms of bondage’. It was also interesting to note that the 2 words were almost identical in their spelling with just an A or O being different. I now had my answer … so off to start making some blood-soaked strips of fabric for the panel to begin!

" PAINTING EYES IN A DRAGON "

Memories of "The Night Parade of 100 Demons" from last month, have now moved to a machine embroidered panel made in the 1990’s (see above). Entitled "Painting the eye of a dragon”, it’s a wall-panel (appx. 46” x 22” / 117cm x 56cm) that began life as a sample demonstration for tie-dyeing within a “colour workshop”. A piece of cream Habotai silk was randomly dyed using several tins of Dylon cold water powder dye & when dried & pressed, the resulting piece of fabric displayed a wonderful imaginary skyline. At the subsequent workshop using fabric paint, a decision to overpaint small sections with metallic silk paints, highlighted certain aspects of the “clouds” visualised & a very storm-like sky appeared. Like many things worked on in the past (& at a particular point in time), the piece often develops “a life of its own” where all that is necessary for me, is to just complete what’s seen "in my mind's eye"! It was at this ‘clouds stage’ of imagination where the fabric transposed itself into a panel with a visual story:  two mythical beings opposing one another within a dark & stormy skyline. With the addition of machine embroidery, it would be seen as a ‘fight’ between two dragon-like creatures ... battling somewhere between an imaginary “heaven & earth” … fighting between right & wrong … good & evil.

When finished, it symbolised a personal view of life ... how things change ... how lives alter ... how without positive & negative energies, we all battle on a daily basis to keep things "on an even keel". Remaining unnamed for several months, one day while reading an article about Chinese artwork on the Internet (& when modems were connected to a phone line!), I read this:

In Southern Liang Dynasty (502–557 C.E.) lived a painter named Zhang Sengyao who was known for his incredible lifelike paintings &who was especially adept at painting dragons. Many people, from emperors to Buddhist priests, hired him to decorate their residences, temples, and murals with his artwork. One day, as the painter was finishing up a mural of four dragons, people walking by noticed that he left the eyes of the dragons unpainted. “How come you are leaving the eyes blank?” the people asked. The painter replied that if he drew the eyes of the dragons in, the dragons would fly away into the sky. The people were incredulous and urged the painter to finish his mural, so the painter sighed and drew in the eyes of two of the four dragons. As soon as he finished with the eyes of the second dragon, the clouds in the sky darkened and the winds began gusting. Lightning streaked across the sky and at the clap of thunder that followed, the people saw the two dragons separate themselves from the mural, and fly up into the sky.

Reading that description, it exactly captured my embroidered panel & hence it was duly named “Painting Eyes in a Dragon”. The significance now was that it posed a QUESTION (one of many I’m sure) … could I use this general imagery in a way that represented “progressing emotions”?