" OPPOSITES ATTRACT "

Wth the silk & bandages ready for use, thoughts moved to another set of words - positive ones - many often used to remedy situations or relationships & opposites to the first set. Recollecting the earlier ’ heart’ images (from 2012 & also that when finding the red silk), the word LOVE sprung to mind & looking then over at the panel finally stitched, happened to notice that the red silk strips had began to raise slightly & resemble “thickened veins”. On seeing this & next looking over towards the bandages, thoughts occurred of “being inside the heart” & actually witnessing physical effects of anger taking place … cuts & jabs sinking into each vein & as a bandage was being applied to the wound, watching the mark leave a visible ‘scar’ … so … QUESTION … could I somehow try to create this effect & if so, how? … & should there be another set of words?

LOVE was an opposite word to HATE which I’d already stitched … the heart images reminded me of those earlier from "Love Lies Bleeding” & reflecting on all sketches so far, those relating to tattoos become important once again & I decided there would be another set of words - this time positive ones. Reviewing research, a few words were chosen but they also had to "fit" with those already selected … especially for their meanings as each emotion progresses. In context of the panel, they also had to “physically fit in” & after several attempts, came up with these (negatives in brackets):

(Anger) - PEACE

(Hate) - LOVE

(Rage) - JOY

(Destroy) - CREATE

(Hurt) - HEAL

(Pain) - PLEASURE

(Empty) - INTENSE

(Numb) - ALIVE

(Cry) - LAUGH

But … QUESTION .. how to display these in contrast to the other 9? Reviewing the panel & its stitching so far, the red silk looked as if it was about to ‘crinkle up’ in places & form a tube-like channel - again noticing that it “had a life of its own” (something that can happen & will often guide me in its direction). Especially important to this piece was the need to let “emotions progress across the stitching” & felt this may be a way to capture it. Being ‘positive’, these 9 words were visibly ‘rounded’ so were easier to shape … QUESTION … could I use this channeling effect in a similar way as the printed cotton previously - again like a type of reverse appliqué?

Mentally doing this, the top fabric was cut away as a simple rounded outline to allow maximum visibility through a ‘shaped hole’ & with the previous set of thoughts regarding “looking through from inside a heart”, the earlier question was answered. Testing the bandage for size by threading it through the ‘red silk channel’, I found it fitted perfectly in the ‘tubing’ & decided this was definitely the path to follow. Marking each word on the red silk (across the panel) with a pencil (the usual fabric marker wasn’t working too well on this fabric), one word was left over - LAUGH … but somehow it didn’t seem important to include it at this stage so it was omitted.

After outlining all 8 words, a bandage strip was threaded through the slightly raised red silk channel & pinned into position. (Multiple bandage threading across several pieces of silk, had a tendency to crease the bandages more than just by inserting one & in turn, made stitching the letters more difficult, Noticing that the pencil outlines also became faint, the decision was made to insert one bandage at a time.) Each letter was then straight-stitched around but as the red silk easily frayed, only one silk strip at a time was completed. While doing this, I decided to ultimately use a single colour thread for satin-stitching around these letters -  a multi colour thread would distract from the outline shape so would be unsuitable.

" FRAYED EMOTIONS "

Reviewing the size of silk remnant, it was immediately visible that there was only sufficient for limited strips to be cut & by measurement, it provided exactly the size for similar strips to the calico ones (luck again?). Each calico strip was then tacked onto a backing of medium-heavy weight sew-in woven interfacing (from a large roll to be used up), positioning each one with a gap in readiness for the red silk later. (The decision to use the 1630 for satin-stitching around each letter was now made … after all, the new machine was too new to use yet!  - but this process would be done later, once the silk had been tacked & stitched in place.)

The silk insert strips were now tacked over the calico edges but being silk & somewhat loosely woven, their raw edges began to unravel so with use of the roller edge foot, were zigzagged in place. Several earlier experimental tests showed that this foot could “hold back the loose frayed ends” whilst stitching (see below).

Checking with the earlier sketches of colours & textures, a selection of multicolour embroidery threads were now used to satin-stitch around the letters. This helped to better defined the letter shapes & give them some ‘depth’, reinforce the impact of the individual words & also provide a gradual feeling of ‘progresssion’ or movement across the panel by utilising the matching of the multi-colour threads. NOTE: Although the previously attractive frayed edge of the silk (to symbolise “frayed emotions”) had been completed using the rolled-edge foot, by the end of satin-stitching the first 2 words, many of these frayed bits had “dropped away” as they became more unravelled while satin-stitching the letters or got caught into the stitching (see below). The decision was made to cut them all off. 

" STRIPPED BARE "

While working on the first set of words & trying to specifically position the coloured fabric pieces underneath the calico, a few days ago found that the scraps were too small. I switched techniques as thought it better to use a type of reverse appliqué since it also could symbolise the infliction of certain acts (eg. cut into, cover up). Also, individual calico strips will be easier to handle but also would enable another set of strips to be inserted between them if suitable. As all the fabrics selected were generally scraps or off-cuts (appropriately chosen to symbolise each emotive word), it now seemed more important to depict the progression of individual ‘events or actions’ with clear boundaries - visually quite separate when joined together.

Having outlined the first set of words (above) on the calico, it became clear that ‘opposing’ ones now were essential - after all, the panel was to depict the effect of Anger & as it was progressing - to display both negative & positive ones. Having just sufficient red silk to cut into strips, the decision was made to use ‘strip’ patchwork for joining together all words - the silk symbolising specific heart-felt feelings when encountering Anger (eg. Love). This particular type of patchwork would also depict any emotive words as being “stripped bare” or “stripped away”.

Placing the multicolour cotton pieces under each letter of the words, all calico strips had their fabric layers tacked into position ready for straight-stitching around each outlined letter to secure all layers in place at the outlined edge. After this was completed for each word, the calico letter-shape was cut away close to the straight stitching, to reveal the assorted colours of the printed cotton underneath - image below showing all 9 words ready for the next stage.

" SPLITTING APART "

Feeling on the right track, I’m going along with my thoughts & make a start. (Uncertain if the 9 words will be ultimately suitable, I’ve decided to stitch each word separately - it will be easier to stitch & any word could be altered or changed later if necessary.) The words will be drawn out to a specific size (resembling the felt-tip drawing previously) & each letter will be traced off onto some fabric ready for patchwork or appliqué. Into my first drawer of ‘large scraps’ I find some pieces of cotton calico - perfect for using as a base fabric as it’s “unbleached & not fully processed” texture, could impart what Anger is often considered as being. I get them out & one is just the right size  so start with the individual letters by tracing the words on to the calico & then cut each ‘word’ into separate strips.

Having already picked cotton for the bandages (& now have them dyed), the significance of a ‘heart rears its head again’ & I immediately think of ‘LOVE’. As this too is an emotion (but a positive one) & from research to date, have concluded anger often is connected, begin to consider ‘emotional contrasts’. Pondering on this thought (with images of Indian weddings & red saris - why, I don’t know) I start to think of an opposing fabric to cotton … silk … by cost, by quality, by weave, by colour. Rummaging in the silk ‘remnants bag’, I find a piece ‘exactly the same blood colour’ (below) of the bandages & as I pull it out, immediately symbolise it as a ‘heart’ & LOVE. At the centre of any feelings & with its ‘rough weave’, the silk will impart a ‘rawness’ to any overall stitching & in contrast to the bandage cotton, will symbolise ‘blood’ & positive feelings.

A further rummage in another bag, results in some multicolour remnants of printed cotton & by laying these alongside the torn-up magazine sheets & painted emotional textures, appropriate fabrics are easily chosen (below) & by doing this, specific words match exactly with the fabrics … & another question was answered!

However it soon became apparent that some of the coloured fabric scraps were too small to be used for the patchwork panels I had envisaged. … so … QUESTION … how to achieve this now? 

" WORD PLAY "

The set of 9 negative words were seen as being ‘sharp & angled’ & with an “edge” - for this reason, they were drawn having crisp & straight edged letters. Any fabrics selected for each word must contain the appropriate colours & general pattern shapes , as too must any threads for specific stitches as this would reinforce each of the words’ defined meaning. Further sketches led to imagery of a textile patchwork panel made-up from individual letters & words but again, it didn't have any “instinctive overall feel”. Playing Scrabble the previous night, led to thoughts of ‘playing around’ with the emotive words & forming interlinked ones … BUT … QUESTION ... could this be a better solution? A few quick sketches on this idea were also OK but still didn’t really show what I hoped it to … however .. QUESTION .. if this was some sort of idea forming, what colours would be used & on what type of fabrics?

Several sketches of words with a ‘downward’ progression of individual letters forming vertical words were completed - overall representing the ‘negative’ direction each of these words would convey.  By writing them down on paper, drawing & generally just “playing” with their letters, a clear picture began to appear. BUT … QUESTION … how to make the words ‘do something’? On a sheet of paper, I changed & altered their sizes & shapes & soon, other words began to appear in amongst the 9 words. I wrote the down separately & proceeded to colour in that first sketch using felt tip pens (see below): 

I thought it rather ironic that 13 other words were “hidden away” within those 9 … especially as so many were indeed often “Hidden actions” by those who are angry .. as well as ones forced on those who are were victims!

PUNCH - HIT - GAG - TERROR - RAPE - STAB - READY - BAD - PUSH - GRIP - CUT - ME - YET

As a result of these word exercises, a patchwork (& possibly quilted) panel is now being considered. By using fabric ‘scraps’ (as unnecessary & left-over remains) for the letters & words, I wonder if I may be able to imply “perceived injuries or irrational thoughts” from the negative feelings as they are displayed. More thoughts (whilst completing some alterations) on this, add another technique - appliqué. Both techniques are used for the same purpose … to patch or repair & to apply or cover  … 2 methods that are similar but use fabric scraps quite differently by their manner of stitching. Many of the repercussions of Anger feature actions that inflict a physical wound … Cut - Jab - Hit - Punch … & they can all ultimately leave some sort of ‘mark or raised impression’.

Colour & Texture for NEGATIVITY

BACK TO REALITY … & again, another QUESTION? … following the bobbin experience, I ask myself what is Anger - how does it start - what process is involved - why does it happen - when does it finish… & how can it be shown graphically? Using my experiences of (mild) anger in different situations (a recent one being the bobbin & another when I pricked my finger on white fabric!), the best place to start was there! QUESTION? ... what colours did I see?

Researching those emotions involved directly or indirectly with Anger (& with first-hand experiences of several people I’ve come across), an extensive variety of words & phrases were considered as being important or significant. They were written down & predominantly found to be “negative” - especially those ones considered as being “un-useful for situations or  relationships” as it appeared these could easily spiral out of control. Finally, 9 emotive ones were selected as for the ‘cycle of anger’ to be displayed (ie. as it starts & ultimately ends):

ANGER - HATE - RAGE - DESTROY - HURT - PAIN - EMPTY - NUMB - CRY

Trying to envisage each of the above ‘emotive stages’ progressing, colour magazines were flicked through as the word was thought about. (Although I have often used other methods of recording ideas, this time I wanted “instant effects” quickly, so selected pieces of print depicting what I immediately visualised & matched to my anger.) If an image matched my feelings (with colour), it was torn out, the word written down & alongside, my immediate description of what I felt (see below):

Anger - suddenly explodes

Hate - is focused

Rage - spirals in any direction

Destroy - completes and is aimed or targeted

Hurt - 

Pain - is sharp and pointed is like ice

Empty - a void

Numb - feels nothing

Cry - comes in waves

This magazine tearing exercise was easy to do so the “ripping out” (use of torn fabric maybe?) was repeated again - this time, the word was envisaged as having texture as a shape or form & this was noted too:

Anger - red - harsh

Hate - purple - swirl

Rage - deep purple, red black - solid

Destroy - black - void

Hurt - orange/blue - sharp

Pain - greying - muting

Numb - clear - disappear

Empty - greyed edges - outlines

Cry - blue - soft

After doing these, the ripped page segments were vertically stuck down on a sheet of paper (a downward spiral suggestion perhaps?) with wording scribbled alongside for those feelings of the colours & textures I’d visualised. A further ‘rough sketch’ (below) depicting the ‘shapes or form’ imagined, was quickly painted which I hoped to use later for possible fabric selection.

" STITCHES IN TIME " & a top-loading bobbin !

At this stage, it's very easy to head off in many other directions & am sure if there was sheets of metal easily to hand, a large 3D metal Anger structure would soon appear! But the piece to be made is a textile one … especially as I look over to see my latest sewing machine reminding me of what I’m here for! Since 1972, an Elna SU has been my main sewing machine & it’s done everything wanted as a designer/dressmaker. When broken & stitching was no longer perfect, they were replaced with ones found on eBay but unfortunately they can no longer be repaired & I’m now using the final one.

Teaching dressmaking for many years, I’ve witnessed various sewing users & always recommended Bernina machines - especially as it was a first choice of mine in 1970s (when purchasing the first Elna) but at the time they were too expensive for me. I dearly loved my Elna, had almost every sewing foot & accessory for it but had also obtained some other machines for other specific uses. Along with an overlocker (still going since the 1978), I also had an industrial & domestic computerised Pfaff machines for several years. The industrial one was finally sold & after an expensive repair to the domestic one, some 15 years ago, traded it in for second-hand Bernina 1630 (above) - a computerised machine with touch screen. About 3 years ago, an upgraded Juki overlocker was bought (with so many more stitching options than the one already owned) & then last year (after the trusty Elna had become a bit more noisy), thought an investment in a Bernina 1008 would be a good next step. Unlike the other Elna or 1630 machines, it had a front loading bobbin & every time it was used, the bobbin ended up rolling across the floor with me becoming increasing ‘rather angry’ about it. Also, it wasn’t as precise as the old Elna, found the tension to be less reliable & overall, used it less as I became more dissatisfied with it.

NOW FOR THE BEST BIT … Recently, while “playing around” & experimenting with some stitching for the Anger panel, the fine embroidery thread in the needle snagged & snapped in half! … I clearly saw part of it was wrapped around the inner spindle of the take-up lever … & my Elna would never have done this! After contacting the local shop, found it was now essential to have it repaired but after further discussion, decided to trade it in. The choice now was between a computerised Bernina 540 or a Janome 8900 & after Internet surfing both, decided on the latter - the main reasons being: it had a long arm (suitable for quilting or other large jobs), a push button & foot pedal control (which maybe in tyhe future very useful) but best of all, it had a top loading bobbin!

I’m highlighting all this within the story of the Anger panel for 2 reasons:  firstly I experienced a small sequence of “minor anger issues!” as a result of the 1008 front loading bobbin & secondly, the plan is to use both the new Janome & the 1630 for making the panel  & apart from recording my creative thoughts & ideas, included in the narrative are those experiences of the equipment being used - especially these 2 machines.

Tattoos & " SHAPES PASSING THROUGH "

While the bandage use awaits an answer, an Internet detour focusses on old & early Tattoos relating to HEART & LOVE symbols (both being significant images during the past month) although there are just as many with various pieces of WEAPONRY included. With knives & daggers now included (for anger links to cut - thrust - jab - chop), further ideas quickly get drawn in a heart.

These sketches propel me further along: Anger often displays itself as a "weapon" - it can be verbally cutting as well as making physical cuts … but now another QUESTION? ... is not the so-called “knife culture" created by anger? … & what of religious & cultural clashes, can that not be included too? Playing around with some more words & sketches, suddenly one starts to "make sense".

It shows a heart dissected by 2 swords that cut with some simple emotive words & happy with this idea, visualises completed as a metal structure but because of a more religious feel, decide on another design, paint it & hope it will redirect me to textiles!

 But no ... it is definitely a metal 3D structure & as I’m not working in metal, have to give it a miss!